Waking Up

I loathe Monday mornings; it means an ending to a beautiful weekend or for many, we just need a longer weekend to rest. For some, we just count the days till its Friday. For some, we are just waiting for something exciting to happen. We are looking for something while we are letting hours, days, weeks and months pass by. We are looking for something to satisfy us and to wake us up from this coma we call life.

Since September 2017, I have been in a nursing program. We deal with various types of patients. We interact with patients that are not alert and oriented  to patients that are moving around appropriately and having full length conversations with, but there is something about coma patients that fascinate me.  Google defines a coma as “a state of deep unconsciousness that lasts for a prolonged or indefinite period, caused especially by severe injury or illness.” There are many people that are walking around and say that they are “good” when they are asked, but in fact, they are in a spiritual coma. They have been hurt by people, situations, high expectations for themselves or others, and maybe have felt let down by God. They go around holding things in because they know the norm in society is to not sob in public, so they live life walking aimlessly fighting their tears. They have no hope that things or people will change. Due to the situation, they are emotionally, mentally, spiritually and maybe even physically injured. They allow their situations and feelings to determine their future. Believe me, feelings are important, but they do change quick when a person does not get what he or she wants.

Back when I was twenty-one-years old, I underwent about a year of diagnostic procedures in which the end result was that I have an un-curable chronic disease. I felt that a slow death sentence was placed upon my life. My hope was gone. I felt powerless. Yes, I believed at the time Jesus can heal, but for me, this was “my cross to bear.”  I thought everyone has to deal with tough situations, and that this was mine.  I had poor self-esteem. Due to several situations in my life, I knew Jesus loved me , but  I feel like “not that much“.  I didn’t feel worthy to be healed of. Eventually over time, God gave me peace about what I had to deal with.

Fast-forward a couple of years, I graduated college , which I was proud of, but in December of 2016, another terrible situation happened. I underwent more diagnostic procedures and got diagnosed with a rare form of another disease. I was devastated. All I could I do is focus on my pain. The simple things in life became complicated because I chose to focus on my issues rather than focusing on what God wants me to do and who he called me is.  By looking at my outward appearance, everything seemed great, but its funny how much a person can hide from others.

When we do not allow God to build us, affirm us, and become dependent on him, we are building a flimsy foundation. We are instantly giving the influence that God should have to others. We give people the power to define us when that should be only given to God. A person can change their mind about you in an instant while God’s opinion of you is unchanging and it is good. When we allow our situations to define us, we adopt a victim mentality. We become self-absorbed and want everyone to hear our problems. Because we put faith in ourselves, we go in cycles of being frustrated and fed up because our situation may get resolved, but our mind and soul haven’t been restored. See, God will allow the SAME situation or similar situations to occur because we haven’t learned how to depend on him and built our foundation upon him.

In spite of our disability, it says in Psalm 8:4-6 (NLT) it states, ” What are mere mortals that you should think about them human beings that you should care for them? Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. You have them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority.”  In this passage, it talks about how God is greater than us; that he created this entire world, but still thinks of us. Also, that God created us in his image (Genesis 1:27), made us royal because we are adopted into his kingdom (1 Peter 2:9) , and that he has given us authority. God has given us his identity that so we can comprehend that we rule over our present situations. Having a victim mentality is literally feeling powerless. We live life out of our feelings. I am not saying feelings aren’t important; they cant define everything about your life.  There has to come a time when you say enough is enough. I am going to give God my one-hundred percent or nada. There comes a time when we have to decide : who will I believe? Will I believe in my emotions to guide me on how to live my life or God who intimately created you and loves you? Am I going to sacrifice my royal identity for emotions and people that will change? Am I going to sacrifice my authority to allow myself to get into bondage and oppression? LETS BE REAL, Y’ALL. LIFE IS RUFF, not rough, but RUFF. We deal with crap all the time. It doesn’t end, and its not because God has it out for you. Its because we live in a fallen world that is filled with craziness and people choose to do horrendous things. People would rather choose the temporary escapes instead of getting that root ripped out of their soul and be healed.

Healing is painful. I had patients that had extensive burns and injuries in which they are missing chunks of their skin, muscle, and tissue. Depending on the doctor’s orders, they get  twice a shift, daily, bi-weekly or weekly dressing changes. The patient undergoes immense pain; they even get pre-medicated to help reduce the pain of the dressing change. If these patients never got these dressing changes, they would not have been healed. There are various types of dressing changes, but there is a certain type called mechanical debridement. It is literally when the nurse or doctor performs a wet-to-dry dressing. When they change the dressing, its wet, but over time, it eventually dries on the patient, so when they get their next dressing change, it is ripped out. God does that. He opens up our wounds, cleans a little, and then performs a new dressing change. He knows that we can only handle so much pain , most importantly, he knows that healing is a process. It does not occur overnight.

Don’t get burdened by the thought, ” It is going to take forever to get healed from this.” Honestly, I thought that for a long time and sometimes, I still do. I am the type in which I want to move on from things quick and get things solved. I am very task-oriented, but God wants us to be near to him and actually linger. He wants us to be in his throne room for a while and just hang out with him. He wants to love on us and renew a hope in us. Countless times in our lives, we try to rush the process because 1. We are used to instant gratification (Thanks society… ) , and  2. We try to change ourselves. We have to let God do only what he can do. So, get your hiking boots on and bring your gear, we are going on an adventure.

We have not arrived, but we are beautiful works in progress.

Suggested Music

Let it go

Let it go! Let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore! 

Let it go ! Let it go! Turn away and slam the door

Have you slammed the door?

Life hits us. It is as if its a powerful tornado sucking us in its terror. In my mind, all I am thinking is ” Let me go! I don’t want to be stuck in this anymore“. But somehow, we are still stuck. As much as we wiggle and try to break these chains that shackle us to our past, pain, and current difficulties, we cannot become free. Why you ask? It is because we have not let it go.

Our pain is something we unknowingly carry each day.  We tread along without realizing the pain we accumulate day by day. “Oh, she gave me a dirty look. Did you hear that tone he had with me? Oh! He don’t know. I ain’t got time for this.”  Those thoughts we think each day add up. It creates weight and negative feelings that you have to carry, not the person “who did you wrong”, but you. Whenever we see that person, maybe even post on Facebook, we become annoyed. This might sound comical, but this all too real. We may think this way.  That we “can’t” deal with this , and the fact of the matter is that we are just hurt. We get hurt by what people say; BELIEVE ME, this is too my daily struggle. “Hurt people” hurt people.  People can ruin your day in the matter of minutes. Sometimes you may read a text message and that makes you infuriated. Your entire day can be ruined by that single text message.

Some of us cannot feel we cannot let it go. Our past is a horrible movie playing in our mind reminding of us what we did and how we messed up. The worst thing is when you are trying to change, and people view you as your former self. From simple to crazy situations, we can be reminded of the negative things and who we used to be. Countless times, we remind ourselves of what we have done. We attempt to fight off the negative thoughts, but ultimately we can’t because we haven’t forgiven ourselves. We still feel guilty. 

We feel guilty from previous decisions or even current ones. We may think that “bad mistake” cost us,  which is true we have to deal with the consequences of our actions, and we might think we are getting punished by God. “Oh Jesus! I did not get the crispy chicken in my salad that I ordered. God must be punishing me. Oh, its a sign!”. God is not punishing you. Life happens, but there is grace and mercy. Many times in our lives, something bad should have occurred, but it didn’t because of God having mercy on us. When we ask for forgiveness from God, he forgets, but do you?

Letting go our pain is not easy at all- that is why many of us has not let it go yet. Do you want to let it go? Do you want to live in continual freedom and be made whole as a person? Do you want to be healed? The fact of the matter is that no one can force you to be free; living in that mindset of freedom is a choice that you have to make. We should not be playing catch with God giving him our pain, and then trying to take it back. God wants you to be made whole, and he loves you unconditionally. You may not have experienced this unconditional love in any sense because of what you may have experienced previously, but God loves you beyond your self and your thinking. You may not feel worthy because of the guilt you may still possess from a previous or current situation, but today, God wants you to know that he loves you for you. 

He loves you so much that he doesn’t want you to carry this pain any longer. He does not want you to carry this guilt. Matthew 11:30 says, ” For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (NIV) This scripture means that when we give God our pain, past, and worries, he will exchange all of that for his love, peace, hope, joy, etc. Just as it says in Romans 12:2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (NLT)

It all starts in our minds. As we let go of our past, daily troubles, and worries for tomorrow and exchange it with Jesus’ love, we are able to live in that freedom. There will always be people who will try to tear you down, break you, and define your worth, but only God restores you, shows his endless love for you, and how extremely valuable you are.

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. We are all beautiful works in progress.

A couple of songs I suggest to listen ( Don’t worry there aren’t any songs from Frozen):